WOMAN: Your son was trespassing on my property and ... are you wearing a grocery bag? HOMER SIMPSON: (CONFIDENTLY) I have misplaced my pants.

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This time I really blew it
Daughter, 7 yrs old: Dad, would you help separate the Legos for me? Me, drooling slightly: Literally nothing would make me happier 🤗 💫 🙌
Summertime and the livin is easy
Dinner for two 7-year olds Oakland, CA 2019 . . . But tbh I had the same thing for dinner and I’m not 7 #not7yearsold #actually35 #35isamultipleof7 #sothatcountsforsomethingithink #itcountsforexactly5times7 #parenting #math
Dunk the Principal is 💯
These tees are memories, and it’s hard to let them go! But I can’t keep lugging these around, stuffing up my closet with unwearable items... So let’s store these memories digitally (until there’s an error in the database and the internet companies lose my data foreverrrrrr)—here’s what these mean to me: 1. My org for 7 years! Climate Policy Initiative 2. A shirt from a science communication workshop I led at the University of Palangka Raya, Kalimantan Tengah, Indonesia 3. I barista’d for ~5 years with @spincitycoffee (yay for incredible coffee!) ☕️ 4. Met my wife back in 2009, she used to work on a cruise ship! 🛳 5. Volunteered in the Show Me state (Missouri) for Obama in ‘08 with some TerraPass colleagues 6. Did some great science with the @carnegieairborne folks from ‘05-‘08 7. Lived in the Enchanted Broccoli Forest at Stanford 🥦 8. Discovered @qwantz in college and I have never regretted owning this shirt 9. “Bouldering in Beautiful San Jose” I miss that tiny @touchstoneclimbing gym! Worked at the desk there for a couple years 10. Oh, just my jersey from my REI club soccer team back in ... 2001?! How did time pass so quickly?
Rainbow Collection The first graders made unikitty rainbows—wish I’d thought of that! 🙏 thank you, @oaklandmuseumca!
If you need me, I’ll be over here wiping the tears from my eyes... Happy New Year to you all!
All she wants for Xmas is an LOL Biggie Pet (not her two front teeth, which would be totally appropriate)
The typography at my kid’s school is 💯 Look at those E’s!🤩😎😍
1st grade! #ousdday1 #iamousd