I realize as I go on this journey of mine all these familiar faces will come and go. No matter how I may care and love each of them, I understand now the length of our time together is not under anyone's control. It's never meant to be controlled... Friendships can run their courses or change in such a manner, I can't seem to recognize that person I called friend. Life, for me, feels like a series of rooms and doors, meetings and goodbyes.
As much as I want to stay within that same environment and people, sometimes something pulls me far and out of it. It always feel like I lost and that I am going to be alone again. Of course, I somehow make new relationships but I am no longer sure which matters. Maybe I was never meant to be able to. Maybe it's as it should be.
The feeling of loss, emptiness and sadness is eventually replaced. As I look through my life, I've always had an anchor. Someone I could relate or feel completely at ease with...but I never had one that last.
And I wonder if I can come out alive and sane without one. I also wonder if I can ever stop having that first feeling of guilt that I am the one who messed up. That those relationships were too good for me. That's how deep I fell...And I'm probably the only one that sees it that way.
Maybe I smiled too much. Maybe I feel too much.
Maybe it's time to let it be and go to the next door... 吉岡カレン .
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